Life Changes Every Second

Every day life changes in some manner, and my life has certainly changed since my last post several months ago. With each change comes deep deliberations as one accepts the alterations that one has little or no control over. In the past few months I have married off one of my sons, become a grandmother, lost my best friend, retired from my full-time teaching career, begun teaching for the University of Phoenix, had another filly (baby horse), sold two horses, and said good-bye to one of my sons as he, his wife and daughter move to the University of Virginia as part of his JAG training. And there has been more.

So much change in such a short time, I have been told. To cope with life changing moments, I have searched deep in my soul and made additional changes, as well. I started walking three to five miles each morning to increase the endorphins in my brain, which serve as natural spirit lifters. It also is a slick way to lose 12 pounds in three months. I didn't see that coming. I have also stopped eating junk, or at least as much junk as possible, which has contributed to the weight loss.

Life changing events create stress for all involved, and often stress creates hand wringing, sharp words, and additional life altering events. To all who have been involved or affected, know life continues to shift and change each day, and there are always surprises we didn't see coming. Together we will all survive and get through these times, regardless of the outcomes.

And so today I will again walk, I will again teach my online composition courses, I will again write an article about reading skills for publication, and I will again attempt to learn as much as I can about my new iPhone 3GS. Life changes every day, and I can certainly vouch for that. Accepting the changes is the tough part.

Guard Your Tiara

Anyone nearing forty needs to check themselves constantly in the mirror to guard their tiara and keep it from slipping. One can not be too girly, too gushy, nor too gutsy, especially if one is near, or past forty. Girlhood is a state of mind, and as one racks on the years, that state of mind needs to stay locked in at a low number, say thirty-five. Even thirty-eight will work. Keeping one's thoughts honed in to a younger time is a great way to guard one's tiara.

Wearing Tory Burch flats out for dinner tonight only happened because a somewhat younger woman guarded my tiara by telling me "they're still in." Out of pointy-toed boots and into Tory Burch flats, and instantly a much younger look. Better hopping, better skipping, and even better jumping as a result of wearing flats instead of pointy toes, just in case one wanted to hop, skip or jump.

Asking one's spouse if a particular item looks good is like asking a child if a cookie would be desirable, "Yeah, they look good," he said, followed by "are people still wearing those?"

"Are you kidding me? When did you become the local fashion expert?" I asked. A quick Twitter and the votes were in, "Yes, Tory Burch flats are good, if you're lucky enough to own a pair." I am and I wore them. I felt girly. I felt gushy. I could hop, skip or jump if I wanted to. I didn't. Surveying a couple of hip gals helped me guard my tiara once again. Thank you Jessica and Kelly.

Photo attribution: Swamibu

Expiration Date: February 12, 2009

Everything has an expiration date. Two years ago, on February 12, 2007, Laura Gitlin-Petlak, Beverly Hills divorce lawyer, wife, mom and daughter, expired at 6:15 a.m. (PT) after a six month battle with cancer. She lost. Three months later, in May of 2007, Laura's mom and my dear friend, Val Gitlin, was diagnosed with cancer. Over the past twenty-one months, Val met the beast head on, fought it with a vengeance, but like her daughter, lost the battle. So on the same exact day, two years later, at nearly the same time, mother and daughter were reunited for all eternity.

Call it a coincidence, call it a miracle, but call it a melancholy moment for friends and family. Those of you who have read my posts about Val know of her battle, and know it was merely a matter of time. Death comes in many forms, at the most inopportune moments, while we are busy, happy and progressing with life. This was no different. The past six weeks have been eventful; Val provided guidance in many ways, but never did I think she would teach me, teach us, how to die with dignity. But she did. We talked of life, of trivial things like what she wanted me to wear to the funeral and to her celebration of life -- not black she said, too depressing. "Wear the fuchsia jacket, or the purple suit -- too many will be in black."

We talked of the after life and the transition toward the ever after. We spoke of the spirits and those only she could see: always the same man, always in dark brown pants, with dark hair, and good looking. We talked of how long it took one to starve to death -- it depends on the fat stored in the body: the heavier the person, the longer the wait to die. We spoke of her joys, her sorrows, her hopes for a fast death while she slept, and who would watch over her beloved husband.

Each day she would say, "I must still be alive because you're here. Darn it." As the days turned to weeks and then faded into a month, I suggested she might be holding out for February 12, to join Laura on Abraham Lincoln's birthday. She hoped she would be "long gone by then." But she wasn't.

Death comes when it is least expected, at a pre-arranged time, known only by God. We knew it was close, but the past week was a count-down in the "Hospice Stages of Death" brochure and at each transition we knew the moment was getting closer.

We all have expiration dates, just like milk and cheese and eggs. Today, Thursday, February 12, 2009, in the wee hours of the morning, in her own bed, in the arms of her loving husband of 54 years, Val Johnson Gitlin met her expiration date in a peaceful way. We should all be so lucky.

Photo attribution: somewhatfortyplus

Lingering and Waiting

A chill hovers over Chicagoland, though the sky is clear, with only a few high clouds. At 5 degrees, the air outside is stiff and hard to breathe, forcing one to move quickly, lingering only to move from the car to other warm quarters. The dead of winter lingers, yet the hope of spring is visible by looking upward toward the heavens at the bright blue sunny sky.

Val continues to linger, wishing she could move on, afraid to stay longer. Pharmaceuticals have diminished the pain so at the worst it is tolerable, and at the best, absent. In and out during the day, she eats nothing, sucking ice chips or an occasional straw in lemon water. Cognitively she is here, talking of previous joys, and wondering when the end will finally come. Emotionally she is rock solid, joking about the circumstances and wondering when "the bus will come" to pick her up. In November she looked happy and healthy, attending a lecture by Chicago's caterers and book authors, The Hearty Boys.

Friendship is many things -- being together for over 20 years, we have laughed, mourned, birthdayed, galaed, dieted, whispered, cried and sat quietly together. I've learned so much from Val over the years, and now watching her rest, the lessons continue. Unbeknownst to her, Val continues to lead and continues to love as she teaches all of us how to die with dignity, a peaceful heart, and a loving husband. And while a chill hovers over Chicagoland, there is only warmth and love as we sit and wait for the bus.

Photo attribution: somewhatfortyplus

We All Have An Expiration Date

Eggs, milk, meat and cheese all have an expiration date. So do we. I sit and watch my best friend sleep, knowing her time here is short. She has stage four cancer, and it is winning this round, though there has been a massive fight. Cancer is evil, and though some will say it can be handled as a chronic condition, they are the lucky ones. My friend is not -- her cancer will over take her soon and send her home. Watching a robust woman suffer from cancer is painful. Too painful at times.

After moving into a new house five years ago, this special friend decided one day to weed one of the flower gardens with me, as it was bothering her that people would drive past my house and see weeds. She would not have such a thing. So with gloves, hats and sun screen in tow, she showed up and said "this is your house-warming gift, a couple hours of girl time making the garden presentable again." And we did. After four or five hours of weed pulling, the garden was beautiful, but the two of us were a mess: dirty, sweaty, stinky and very thirsty. She was correct -- the garden looked better and the following spring, summer and fall, it blossomed with gorgeous bulbs and perennials constantly showing their beauty. The garden was named after my friend, and each time I refer to it, I call it by her name, V's Garden. A sign needs to be placed there, reminding us each time we view the beauty of the garden, it was put in order by V, who will continue to look after it forever.

Photo attribution: somewhatfortyplus

Expiration Dates

Everything seems to have a "use by" date printed somewhere on it, suggesting the product will self destruct if it remains "active" after the printed date. Does this really happen? I think not. Yesterday five inches of milk remained in a gallon marked with "purchase by 12/23/08." Since no big milk drinkers reside here, milk remains longer then suggested dates. As an experiment, just to see if it was still good to go, it was tasted. There was nothing wrong with it. There were no curdles, off-flavors, or anything suggesting it was out of date. Nevertheless, it was poured down the drain. So what's the real deal with "use by" dates?

According to Consumer Reports, the "use by" date is the last date the product is likely to be at peek flavor. If the product is marked "sell by," on the other hand, that indicates the last day the product may be safely sold to the public. According to CR, You should be able to use milk, say, for up to about seven days after the sell-by date.

Still with me? The real throw out date is the "expiration date" that suggests you throw out the food on or before the expiration date if it is still in your hands. The exception is eggs, which are still safe to eat for three to five WEEKS after the marked egg expiration date. Yikes. Eggs don't really expire for 3 to 5 weeks after they are marked with a date? A lot of eggs have met their maker as a result of the marked date on the end of the carton.

Do we have similar markings somewhere on our bodies, suggesting we will self-destruct by a certain date if we are not "used?" And if we do, where is the mark? Do we really want to know this date? And what does self destruct mean, in regards to "use by" body dates? These are all interesting contemplations as milk and eggs are removed from this stainless steel refrigerator and meet the bottom of the garbage can in the garage.

Photo attribution: somewhat frank

Baptism Day

New grand babies bring previous baby joy full circle as one's baby becomes a father and dotes on his own beautiful child. Baby Beverly Margaret's Baptism was filled with family and friends, a massive brunch and Mimosas for all. Watching one's children dote on the new addition was a wonderful way to experience the cycle of life. Frank and Jessica couldn't put Beverly down and enjoyed the quiet moments of contemplation their brother and sister-in-law, Taryn, had provided for them.

What a beautiful baby!

Photo attribution: traveling gal

Happy New Year

Each year is filled with changes, and 2008 had several big ones, including the marriage of a son, a large family vacation, several TECH events, a new filly, major home renovations and the birth of a grand child. Becoming a parent is an experience unlike any other, and becoming a grand parent is as close as one can get to the real thing. Newborns have a unique look, unique sound, and unique baby smell that brings smiles to every face.

2008 was a good year, filled with surprises, and 2009 will bring even more changes and surprises. Memo to self: be sure to keep weight down so as to fit into any formal outfit at any time. Have nails manicured and hair cut and styled at all times in case of a sudden party. Use credit cards only for travel so as always ready to fly to the next adventure. Continue to make soup as it fills with few calories. Keep riding the bike, enjoying the sky, watching the horses, and smelling the coffee. Use sun screen. Spend more time in Chicago at lunch with Jessica. Visit DC at least twice during the year. Hug the baby often. Appreciate and give thanks for what I have. And smile at all life has to offer. Enjoy the ride.

Photo attribution: somewhatfortyplus